Who Are You Listening To—Your Inner Critic or Your Wise Self?

You just declined a meeting request. It was the right call—you needed focus time to prepare for tomorrow's presentation. But now it's evening, and you're still thinking about it. Did I let them down? Should I have said yes? What will they think of me?

Sound familiar?

Now imagine saying this instead: "I  chose to say no because I value my well-being and my ability to do my best work."

Versus: "I had to say no because I needed to take care of myself."

Do you hear the difference? Both statements describe the same action, but the second sounds defensive—as if self-care needs justification. The first reflects confidence and choice.

The way we talk to ourselves matters. It shapes not only how we feel about our decisions, but how we show up as leaders.

The Voice of the Inner Critic

Many of us were taught to be helpful—to put others first, to be team players, to make things work. We were praised for accommodating, not for setting boundaries. So, when we finally do say no, guilt often follows.

We replay the decision. We second-guess. Even when we know we made the right choice, our inner critic drowns out our wiser instincts.

This pattern shows up everywhere:

·         We focus on what we did wrong instead of what we learned.

·         We downplay our efforts and amplify our mistakes.

·         We believe humility requires self-criticism.

Over time, that inner voice shapes how we see ourselves—and what we believe we deserve. And as leaders, it affects more than just us. The voice we use with ourselves often becomes the voice we use with our teams.

The Power of Language

The words we choose reveal the story we're telling about ourselves.

"I had to" sounds like an apology, an attempt to justify.
 "I chose to" reflects ownership and agency.

This is the quiet power of a reframe: by changing a few words, we change how we experience the moment. Language isn't just communication—it's mindset. The way we narrate our actions determines whether we feel trapped by guilt or guided by wisdom.

Reframing the Inner Voice

When you notice your inner critic speaking, try rewriting the thought as your wise self would say it. The goal isn't to sugarcoat reality, but to speak with self-compassion and truth.

Each reframe reclaims dignity and choice. It shifts you from reacting to reflecting, from blame to self-awareness.

Listening to the Wise Self

The next time your inner critic starts narrating your day, pause.

Whose voice are you listening to—the critic who measures and judges, or the wise self who understands and guides?

Your wise self is already within you. It speaks the language of honesty, kindness, and growth. When you listen to that voice, self-respect replaces guilt—and pride takes the place of apology.

This shift doesn't just change how you feel. It changes how you lead. Leaders who practice self-compassion make clearer decisions, build stronger teams, and model the kind of resilience they want to see in others.

From Self-Doubt to Self-Assurance

Coaching helps leaders transform self-doubt into self-assurance—one inner conversation at a time.

Through guided reflection and reframing, you learn to quiet the inner critic, strengthen the voice of your wiser self, and lead with greater clarity and confidence.

If you're a new, seasoned, or emerging leader ready to develop that mindset, I invite you to schedule a complimentary discovery session. It's simply a conversation about where you are, where you want to grow, and how coaching can support you along the way.

Book your complimentary discovery session